My Heart, Be Still

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Increasing Trust

I always struggle with incorporating God into my everyday life. I may be able to do 20 minutes of prayer here, say a rosary there, but then it seems like I go off and live my life, often losing focus.

 

It’s something I’m always trying to work on, and slowly getting better at, but in the end, still failing miserably.

 

One thing I have gotten better at recently is saying a quick prayer before something big, scary, or challenging.

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Human Beings

Lately, it’s hit me how busy life is. I have inherited a gene that keeps me constantly running. If there’s an open two hours on a Tuesday night, I will fill it with someone, some thing. I rarely just sit and relax.

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Wandering Together

I recently directed a retreat with the theme “Lost Sheep” and while that message is powerful and you can spend a lot of time reflecting on how you’ve lost your way, and have been found by the Good Shepherd, lately, I’ve been seeing it with a new twist.

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College, Jesus, & barcrawls

College, for me, was one giant struggle between trying to be a good Catholic, while trying not to fall into typical college life.  I tried to open my heart up to God’s will, but very frequently would close doors and not let Him into certain areas.

Well, this was an ongoing struggle, and it all boiled down to senior year, in my last month before graduation, there was one pinnacle decision that seemed to be the final test of all this back and forth… a nursing bar crawl or helping out at a retreat.

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Give us this day...

Overwhelmed has been a familiar word for me lately. … I do not feel equipped for any of the above mentioned and I so easily get stressed and overwhelmed thinking about my to-do list or focusing on the ways I am failing…. When I was praying about this recently, I know He was listening, because when I read the daily readings the next day, they just about had my name in them.

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Daily Dose of Patience

One thing I love about being a nurse is it allows me to interact with so many different lives.

And to tell you the truth, during a work day it can be so easy to get caught up in my my own to-do list and focus on all my inconveniences, that when things don’t go my way I lose patience.

It’s easier to think only of myself.

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Prince of Peace

f you know me, you know that I am a busy person.  It seems like I’m always running from one thing to the next, sometimes so quickly I forget half my brain, or fail to be truly present with the people around me.

And this time last year, with the busyness of Christmas, facing the fear of the future as college graduation was near, and the giant decision of a career choice was foreboding before me, along with my constant struggle of trying to make everyone around me happy, I prayed for this very special word I could reflect on for 2018 that would help me grow closer to God and refocus my life.

Lo and behold, He gave me the word: PEACE. 

Ahh.. I feel better already.

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King of My Heart

This past Sunday was the Solemnity of Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of the Universe.  Apparently, we celebrate this every year the weekend before Advent, and to tell you the truth, this is the first time it really stirred my heart (bad Catholic, I admit).  

But, what beautiful timing it is!

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Who's Grace, Anyway?

Growing up as a cradle Catholic, grace has always been a familiar word. 

I’ve learned that God gives you grace to overcome struggles, that we receive grace for participating in the sacraments, and that you can offer up graces to someone else. 

In my head, it kind of seemed like a game where grace was a point system.  If I go to Mass I get a certain amount of graces… if I have extra credit graces I could lend a few to a friend, and if I‘m lucky enough to have enough grace when I die, then just maybe I would make it into Heaven. 

And this thinking, although clearly flawed, was exhausting. 

I would get so frustrated when I would pray for the grace to overcome temptation, and yet, I would still fall into the temptation.  Because if grace really worked, and I went to mass and offered something up, I should have enough graces (or points stored up) where that shouldn’t happen, right?

 Wrong.

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The Rich Man

We don’t typically write about reflections from daily readings, but this weekend’s Gospel is one that always pulls on my heart. Mark 10: 17-30- you should take a reread if it didn’t catch your attention the first time, I recommend.  

To recap, it’s the story of the rich man who asks Jesus the question we’re all wondering, “what do I have to do to get to heaven?” And at first, Jesus says, ‘well, you know the commandments…’ and lists some of them.

And I imagine the man in the bible is intently listening to Jesus and thinking similarly as I am, “Okay, check, check, check… I’m good there... yup” And he says, “Teacher, all of these things I have been doing since I was little!” Like, boo-ya, I think I’m clear! But it’s this next line that gets me. 

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The Little V

Being the most indecisive woman on the planet and trying to navigate through life’s never ending decisions is challenging. I struggle with purchasing clothes I like without returning them to the store the next week, much less making giant life decisions. And when it comes to finding God’s will, I cringe a little bit thinking of how ginormous of a task that is. 

It's something I’ve struggled with from high school to college and even still now.  

I often question and doubt if I’m in the right place or where God wants me to go next. And to me, God’s will always seemed like a set in stone list of things he has written down that I’m supposed to figure out.  Meanwhile, I’m this little girl jumping up and down trying to read what he has on that list, but never getting a glimpse and instead, getting easily frustrated.  

I used to joke with my brother that I was waiting for my “Letter from the sky”.

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Growing Pains

With school starting back up for everyone around me, it’s been a strange feeling as I settle into my full time job and don’t need to go buy notebooks, binders, or pay a hefty tuition bill.  It feels so good to be done and to finally be doing what I was called to do, but it calls for a reflection on everything that school has taught me, aside from the immeasurable amount of information. 

School is always a time for growing.  When you’re younger you grow physically, you grow into your personality, you make friends, and you begin to establish your character. As you get older, into the end of high school, and especially college you may still grow physically (freshman 15 is a real thing) but more importantly, you grow so much more emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually.

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Hope Prevails

I am an “ignorance is bliss” type of person.  I never watch the news and am always naive to what is going on the in the world- definitely something I need to work on, since it is obviously important. 

So, even though I had heard about the recent Church scandal that was flooding the media, I chose not to read into it, not to click on the many shared articles on my Facebook feed, and neglected to research it, in hopes that if I didn’t acknowledge it, it might just go away, and in the meantime I could live a happy life in bliss. 

As we all know, that’s never a good idea. A piece inside of me knew I had to face reality and learn what is shaking the faith of many so, after a couple weeks, l finally sat down and began to dig into the many letters and articles whirling around on the internet.

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His Healing Hands

I came into the quiet church today to pray by myself.  As I walked in, I was feeling defeated as I keep failing over and over and falling into sin.  I felt very unworthy and was frustrated at my own human flaws.  At times like this, when I don’t feel close to the Lord, or feel unworthy and embarrassed to stand before Him, I often turn to Our Blessed Mother, Mary to intercede for me and bring my prayers to her Son for me.

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